Pics up, (Man) Cards down

Man Law Mondays:

Social media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., are part of nearly every humans life these days. Even if you're not on one, you're probably talking about something happening on one of these sites. It's the world we live in. It's how many people communicate. So what's this got to do with Man Law?

There is something that's (effeminately) called "selfies" going on in the social media world. People posting either profile pics or just random pics of themselves for all to see. There's nothing wrong with putting a face to the name on the profile. It's called identification. BUT...

No grown Man has any business engaging in excessive "selfies" posting! What are you doing laying your grown behind down in the bed, posing, taking pictures of yourself  for anyway!?! I mean seriously son, what in the world of estrogen and lilac scented bathrooms has possessed you to go and start taking picture after worthless Man Card demoting picture?

Please don't say its for "the ladies" either. What woman in her right mind wants some greasy lipped clown, taking cloudy-filtered pictures of himself anyway? Come on son!!

Bottom line: Keep your self portraits to a minimum. Leave the fried chicken eating, glossy lipped, duck face, over filtered, glamour shots to the ladies!

MAN LAW!!!

Hands down, Man's down!

Man Law Mondays:

 This past weekend I saw something that disturbed me deep down in my Man spirit. I saw something something so wicked in the eyes of Man that I was perplexed as to how I would cite this particular Law. Reader beware: the story I am about to tell is not for the faint of heart...

 I'm at my nephews track meet Saturday, enjoying the festivities and conversing with my peoples. Out of nowhere, my eyes were raped with a most heinous act! I saw a woman standing next to her man as they both leaned against a fence watching a race. She gently placed her arm around his back. Then her hand slooowly slides down his back to......his butt cheek. The worst is yet to come, smh. THEN, she ever so gently moves her hand from the booty cheek...(Lord give me strength to tell this story)...to the lower portion of her man's butt crack MAAAAN!!! I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pineapples! PINE-APPLES MAN!!

 What part of the game is this?!?

 The cold part is my man didn't even flinch!! He just took it as if it were his next breath, all in stride like "I've been here before." Do I REALLY need to explain this Men? At NO time should a woman's hand approach your hind parts...NO TIME!! And she shouldn't even be allowed to THINK of putting her doggone fingers anywhere near your dook shoot!!

 Here's a Public Service Announcement for all women: If you do this to your dude and he doesn't IMMEDIATELY raise up with righteous indignation and condemn you to the doldrums of solitude to prevent himself from knocking you silly, please know your dude likes dudes and you better head for the hills like your name is Chicken Little because the sky is falling!! MAN LAW!!!

OWN UP or SHUT UP!!

Man Law Mondays:

Today I've chosen to rant about something that I've addressed recently but apparently needs to be gone over a little more thoroughly. This subject has worked my nerves like Massa, is we a gonna be ok! I'm talking about this online simpin' and illegitate sympathy speak!

#1 A Man needs to be a MAN! Own up to your mistakes and responsibilities! You have no business getting on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet trying to win votes like Obama vs Romney. You aint no doggone politician chump! Who's support are you trying to win and why?? How about you grow up and be a responsible father, a faithful husband, and an upright Man, and cut out all that manipulation you spew with each word you speak and each gesture you make...UGH! Clowns like that digust me...

#2 PLEASE STOP being an e-simp for all these women. No woman that's worth a dime wants a man who's a phoney, oh baby youre so beautiful, your eyes sparkle like Orions belt type dude that really don't want anything but your panties and no committemnt. Leave these Boost Mobile, Metro PCS, no contract type cats alone!!

All you 'Men' who have violated these Laws...feel free to take a long walk off a short cliff... MAN LAW!!!

Check your phone coats!

Man Law Monday:

Last night my best friend's wife was talking to him on her phone. I needed to speak to him so she gave me the phone and we talked. As my friend and I were speaking on his wife's femininely clad cell phone I grew fearful that someone would see me and accuse me of a Man Law violation. The cover was hot pink!

Men, this is just one of the many feminine things that are unacceptable in the world of Man! We live in a society where cell phones have replaced home phones. Since we have to look at these phones so often, some find it necessary to cloak their phones in decorative covers. A cover for your phone is totally acceptable...

BUT, there is absolutely no circumstance and I mean no as in not one single, solitary situation where you should use anything remotely associated with a woman to cover your phone! No pinks, no purples, no peaches. No zebra stripes or leopard prints. No beads or bangles or bedazzling.

Be a Man and keep it simple. If you're in doubt...don't! And if you have to use a woman's phone that's been enveloped in pink laced leopard print with a rhinestone border, go into a dark corner and hide until that conversation is over!

MAN LAW!!

You smell me!!

There is no violation in a Man taking care of himself. You can keep the hair cut right, the clothes laundered, the beard trimmed, and smell good all you want. I like to consider myself a lightweight connoisseur of all things related to smelling good. Be clean playa!

BUT when you decide to start dippin' into your girls' stash of lotions and potions and soaps and other estro-centric cleansing products and smell good good items, please know you are in violation! I mean for real son...what would be the reason for some robust, hairy chested, bass in the voice having Man to be smellin' like flowers and candy! Get your mind right MAN!

After you shower and shave, you either put on cologne or aftershave that poppo! Step out smelling like leather, musk, and the forest or you dont step out at all!!

MAN LAW!!!

Henpecked man...

Man Law Monday:

Henpecked 1. browbeaten,bullied,or intimidated by one's wife: a henpecked husband who never dared to contradict his wife.

     

 This may be the most sad Man Law ever passed. Men, if you find yourself 'henpecked' by your woman, know that your violation of Man Law is most heinous. Never, and from the bottom of Man Soul do I mean EVER, should a man get punked by a woman. If she has a gun...count up the cost of your funeral! But for the love of all that is man, PLEASE go out like one! If you choose to go out like a sucka, there is no citation for this crime. The shame you live with is punishment enough...

Man Law.

My Man BZ with sound bite... https://soundcloud.com/#bz-thevoice-ii/henpecked

You hungry bro...?

Man Law Monday:

Man 1: Dude I'm hungry. Lemme get a bite of your sandwich.
Man 2: Oh, no problem. Open wide...!

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spanish - violación
Italian -violazione
German - verletzung
Japanese - Ihan
Chinese - Wéifǎn
Hindi - Ullanghana...

No matter where you are in the world or what language you are speaking feeding another man is a MAJOR violation!! If ya boy is hungry, by all means feed him. But if you DARE put food in your hands and bring it near his mouth there will be no dungeon dark enough to put you in!! I mean if your own son is above the age of 3 years old you better break him off a piece of whatever food and HAND IT TO HIM!! Oh, and this goes for sharing drinks with the same straw and bowls of anything with the same or different utensils...please don't get caught somewhere sharing a sundae wit' ya homies!!

MAN LAW!!!

My man BZ with the sound bite... https://soundcloud.com/#bz-thevoice-ii/starve-status