The 'Oprah said' rebuttal

Man Law Mondays...on Tuesday! Since Oprah (or whoever wrote this crap) has so much to say to women about Men, I figured I'd respond... "If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away." False. A man may want you, but if you keep pushing him away, not show enough interest, or otherwise build walls too high for him to climb, he'll let you go. Some of us Men have better things to do with our time than chase your unavailable behind. "Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy." Life IS change. The older you get, the more your thinking changes. What you love today, you'll like tomorrow and hate a week from now. Finding yourself is a lifelong process. It's more fun when you find someone to go through it with you. "Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later." Games, games, games. Too many woman try and snag a man without telling him the truth about who she is. This is fraud aka the old 'bait and switch. ' If a man wants to be with you, then let him choose to be with YOU, i.e. the real you, not the you he thinks he knows. If you're not upfront with certain things, you're setting the relationship up to fail. "Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are." Why not? Women always want a man to put her on a pedestal, but God forbid he require the same treatment! There is nothing wrong with putting someone's needs before your own, especially when you love the person. Is this an invitation to be treated poorly? Not at all. But to adhere to this statement is selfish in nature and not truly conducive to a healthy relationship. "A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you." False. I don't care how a woman conducts herself. If a man doesn't respect women, you can't make him respect you. Respect yourself and no man will make a fool out of you! "A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary... not supplementary." *Snoring loudly* Look. If you believe this, you'll literally be waiting 'til your death bed to be with someone. Like I said before, change is constant. If you're constantly changing, at what point are you whole? Perfection resides in the heavens... "Make him miss you sometimes... When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available to him, he takes it for granted." AGAIN with the games! Why does anyone get married?? According to this logic, if you live with him, he'll take you for granted and you'll never be truly appreciated. Knock it off! A Man that really cares wants to know where the woman he loves is going to be and who she's going to be with. If he couldn't care less, consider that a red flag. "Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need." Everything huh? When the clouds part, the heavens open, and you see a Man dressed in white, flying down on his white horse, with a crown on his head, that's when you'll find the Man that'll give you everything. Until then, good luck with the single life! MAN LAW!!! J. Delia

Man or mouse...which one are YOU?

Man Law Mondays is back!

Chick: OMG I just love the 49ers.

Chump: You too?? Girl what you know bout them 9ers!?!

Chick: My favorite foods are sushi and spicy Thai.

Chump: Stop playing...you don't like Thai food and sushi. I eat those all the time!!

Chick: I am such a shopaholic! It's sad, lol.

Chump: Woman you have got to be kidding me?!? I STAY up in the mall! I swear we must've been twins in a past life or something because we just have too much in common. It's crazy!

My man. You're a Raiders fan with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, an allergy to fish, who hates shopping. You do, however, manage to drink an entire bottle bottle of SIMP Juice every morning.

What kind of grown Man agrees with everything a woman says and does? The answer is simple: he doesn't. Man up sucka! As creative as God is, he aint never created a woman so fine that she'd turn a real Man into a chump.

Put your big boy pants on. Speak your mind. Tell it like it is and not how she want it to be. Do it and thank me later...

MAN LAW!!!

(Thanks to my dude Adam aka "Thirsty cuz" for the inspiration)

Pics up, (Man) Cards down

Man Law Mondays:

Social media, i.e. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., are part of nearly every humans life these days. Even if you're not on one, you're probably talking about something happening on one of these sites. It's the world we live in. It's how many people communicate. So what's this got to do with Man Law?

There is something that's (effeminately) called "selfies" going on in the social media world. People posting either profile pics or just random pics of themselves for all to see. There's nothing wrong with putting a face to the name on the profile. It's called identification. BUT...

No grown Man has any business engaging in excessive "selfies" posting! What are you doing laying your grown behind down in the bed, posing, taking pictures of yourself  for anyway!?! I mean seriously son, what in the world of estrogen and lilac scented bathrooms has possessed you to go and start taking picture after worthless Man Card demoting picture?

Please don't say its for "the ladies" either. What woman in her right mind wants some greasy lipped clown, taking cloudy-filtered pictures of himself anyway? Come on son!!

Bottom line: Keep your self portraits to a minimum. Leave the fried chicken eating, glossy lipped, duck face, over filtered, glamour shots to the ladies!

MAN LAW!!!

Hands down, Man's down!

Man Law Mondays:

 This past weekend I saw something that disturbed me deep down in my Man spirit. I saw something something so wicked in the eyes of Man that I was perplexed as to how I would cite this particular Law. Reader beware: the story I am about to tell is not for the faint of heart...

 I'm at my nephews track meet Saturday, enjoying the festivities and conversing with my peoples. Out of nowhere, my eyes were raped with a most heinous act! I saw a woman standing next to her man as they both leaned against a fence watching a race. She gently placed her arm around his back. Then her hand slooowly slides down his back to......his butt cheek. The worst is yet to come, smh. THEN, she ever so gently moves her hand from the booty cheek...(Lord give me strength to tell this story)...to the lower portion of her man's butt crack MAAAAN!!! I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pineapples! PINE-APPLES MAN!!

 What part of the game is this?!?

 The cold part is my man didn't even flinch!! He just took it as if it were his next breath, all in stride like "I've been here before." Do I REALLY need to explain this Men? At NO time should a woman's hand approach your hind parts...NO TIME!! And she shouldn't even be allowed to THINK of putting her doggone fingers anywhere near your dook shoot!!

 Here's a Public Service Announcement for all women: If you do this to your dude and he doesn't IMMEDIATELY raise up with righteous indignation and condemn you to the doldrums of solitude to prevent himself from knocking you silly, please know your dude likes dudes and you better head for the hills like your name is Chicken Little because the sky is falling!! MAN LAW!!!

OWN UP or SHUT UP!!

Man Law Mondays:

Today I've chosen to rant about something that I've addressed recently but apparently needs to be gone over a little more thoroughly. This subject has worked my nerves like Massa, is we a gonna be ok! I'm talking about this online simpin' and illegitate sympathy speak!

#1 A Man needs to be a MAN! Own up to your mistakes and responsibilities! You have no business getting on Facebook, Twitter, or any other social media outlet trying to win votes like Obama vs Romney. You aint no doggone politician chump! Who's support are you trying to win and why?? How about you grow up and be a responsible father, a faithful husband, and an upright Man, and cut out all that manipulation you spew with each word you speak and each gesture you make...UGH! Clowns like that digust me...

#2 PLEASE STOP being an e-simp for all these women. No woman that's worth a dime wants a man who's a phoney, oh baby youre so beautiful, your eyes sparkle like Orions belt type dude that really don't want anything but your panties and no committemnt. Leave these Boost Mobile, Metro PCS, no contract type cats alone!!

All you 'Men' who have violated these Laws...feel free to take a long walk off a short cliff... MAN LAW!!!

Check your phone coats!

Man Law Monday:

Last night my best friend's wife was talking to him on her phone. I needed to speak to him so she gave me the phone and we talked. As my friend and I were speaking on his wife's femininely clad cell phone I grew fearful that someone would see me and accuse me of a Man Law violation. The cover was hot pink!

Men, this is just one of the many feminine things that are unacceptable in the world of Man! We live in a society where cell phones have replaced home phones. Since we have to look at these phones so often, some find it necessary to cloak their phones in decorative covers. A cover for your phone is totally acceptable...

BUT, there is absolutely no circumstance and I mean no as in not one single, solitary situation where you should use anything remotely associated with a woman to cover your phone! No pinks, no purples, no peaches. No zebra stripes or leopard prints. No beads or bangles or bedazzling.

Be a Man and keep it simple. If you're in doubt...don't! And if you have to use a woman's phone that's been enveloped in pink laced leopard print with a rhinestone border, go into a dark corner and hide until that conversation is over!

MAN LAW!!

You smell me!!

There is no violation in a Man taking care of himself. You can keep the hair cut right, the clothes laundered, the beard trimmed, and smell good all you want. I like to consider myself a lightweight connoisseur of all things related to smelling good. Be clean playa!

BUT when you decide to start dippin' into your girls' stash of lotions and potions and soaps and other estro-centric cleansing products and smell good good items, please know you are in violation! I mean for real son...what would be the reason for some robust, hairy chested, bass in the voice having Man to be smellin' like flowers and candy! Get your mind right MAN!

After you shower and shave, you either put on cologne or aftershave that poppo! Step out smelling like leather, musk, and the forest or you dont step out at all!!

MAN LAW!!!

Henpecked man...

Man Law Monday:

Henpecked 1. browbeaten,bullied,or intimidated by one's wife: a henpecked husband who never dared to contradict his wife.

     

 This may be the most sad Man Law ever passed. Men, if you find yourself 'henpecked' by your woman, know that your violation of Man Law is most heinous. Never, and from the bottom of Man Soul do I mean EVER, should a man get punked by a woman. If she has a gun...count up the cost of your funeral! But for the love of all that is man, PLEASE go out like one! If you choose to go out like a sucka, there is no citation for this crime. The shame you live with is punishment enough...

Man Law.

My Man BZ with sound bite... https://soundcloud.com/#bz-thevoice-ii/henpecked

You hungry bro...?

Man Law Monday:

Man 1: Dude I'm hungry. Lemme get a bite of your sandwich.
Man 2: Oh, no problem. Open wide...!

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spanish - violación
Italian -violazione
German - verletzung
Japanese - Ihan
Chinese - Wéifǎn
Hindi - Ullanghana...

No matter where you are in the world or what language you are speaking feeding another man is a MAJOR violation!! If ya boy is hungry, by all means feed him. But if you DARE put food in your hands and bring it near his mouth there will be no dungeon dark enough to put you in!! I mean if your own son is above the age of 3 years old you better break him off a piece of whatever food and HAND IT TO HIM!! Oh, and this goes for sharing drinks with the same straw and bowls of anything with the same or different utensils...please don't get caught somewhere sharing a sundae wit' ya homies!!

MAN LAW!!!

My man BZ with the sound bite... https://soundcloud.com/#bz-thevoice-ii/starve-status

What are YOU watching???

Man Law Monday:

Movies can be an awesome experience. There's nothing like sitting in a theater and allowing the images on the screen make love to your eyes and mind for a couple of hours. There's action, adventure, suspense, thrillers, sci-fi, comedy, romance.......ROMANCE???



Maaaaaaan if you don't get yo Don Juan, flowers and candy, poetry in the park, candle lit dinners, and long walks on the beach lookin' behind outta here!!!



Men, there are some movies that you need to just pass on. Now for the sake of the women in our lives we've all had to sit through testosterone stealing movies like The Notebook and Fried Green Tomatoes.



 But under no circumstances should you eagerly anticipate romantic movies of any sort. And for the love of ALL that is called MAN don't you dare be caught dead seeing one of those movies with another man. As a matter of fact, if you get caught in the concessions line behind another man, shun the very appearance of evil and move to another line!!


FYI Men, Tyler 'Toilet Paper' Perry and his Man hatin', testosterone killin', we love all things woman, two snaps in a circle, neck rollin' movies are a cinematic Man Law violation.

Tell your woman she can have a 'girls night out' and don't you be lured into that Man Trap. You'll come out dressed like Madea singing 'I'm Every Woman'!! Smh...

MAN LAW!!!

My Man BZ with the sound bite... https://soundcloud.com/#bz-thevoice-ii/watch-whutchu-watchin

Real Men keep it private...

Man Law Monday:

 "Man...I'm really going through it right now. Wifey is trippin!"

 "I'm going through a divorce right now. I just don't know what I'm gonna do...."

 "Pray for me. I'm dealing with some marital problems and I need yall to lift me up right now."

 

My 'Child please! Are you serious right now??" face...

 



Grown men ain't got no kinda business airing out personal or relationship issues via social media! That's childish and feminine dude. I don't care if your wife is meaner than a hungry pit bull with rabies and she looks like one! Don't you dare take your scorned he-motions on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter and start begging for love and sympathy. You'll get none from the world of Men.

 You keep your personal business to the privacy of your own circle of people...real people, not your e-peoples that you only communicate with online! If you happen to catch one of your boys doing this, IMMEDIATELY issue him a citation. This is a chumps behavior and MANkind won't stand for it. Besides, only a sucka begs for love and sympathy. A real Man earns love and has no need for sympathy!

MAN LAW!!

The satchel, a.k.a the "man-purse"

The satchel or better known for it's endearing term as the "man-purse". Complex in it's understanding. Useful in it's purpose. Controversial in it's use. Does the man purse ever supersede the need of wallet? As we see Zach Galifianakis in Warner Bro. Pictures "The Hangover" the heated debate was immediately brought to the forefront. Satchels are much like there distant cousins the ever masculine saddle bag.

But these very same symbols of mandom, if not properly considered and implemented, can bring out the foolishness of our ways. As seen here:

So the question that is up; is it a violation towards way of the man or is it just misunderstood. As Zach's character 'Alan' put it, "It's where I keep all my things..... Plus it's not a purse, it's called a satchel.  .....Indiana Jones wears one"    

Indiana Jones truly was 'the man'. Was his satchel?

  ...Which brings up another interesting debate; is there room for the 'fanny pack'?

                                                                    (Hulk Hogan)